i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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