Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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