So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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