I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
