Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize