We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
