At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
