so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize