We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
