she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
