just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
