Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
