i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
