Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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