I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
