WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this boner is exhausting
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
