Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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