you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
