Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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