I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
