so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
