and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize