and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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