I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
