blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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