I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
