we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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