yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
