ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
