Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
