I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
