we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
