Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize