I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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