Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
