Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
