I look better un-naked...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
