I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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