Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
