is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
