My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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