I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
