I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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