You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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