I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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