Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
