hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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