Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
