Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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