I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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