if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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