it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
