i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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