Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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