She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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