I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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