Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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