If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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