OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
