My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
