You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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