smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
