Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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