Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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