You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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