I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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