you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
