its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
