maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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