A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
