i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize