Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
