So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
