Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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