well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
