WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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