Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
