I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
