the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
